Compliments and Complaints

So last night I walked into a Relief Society activity, and I hadn't even sat down in my chair when another woman who is my age says to me (all in one breath) "Look at your body, how can you possibly be that skinny after having a kid, I could never be that skinny and I haven't even had kids yet."

Honestly, what am I supposed to say to that? Thank you? It didn't sound like a compliment. It may have started that way, but it certainly didn't end that way.

This is not the first time this has happened, and I seem to fall into the same trap every time. I end up feeling guilty for the way I look. And I know I shouldn't but I do EVERY TIME. So I end up saying sheepishly "Well, it's not like I can take any credit for it. It's all genetics." To which everyone says "I wish I had those genes." Still feeling guilty, but wanting to find some common ground as if to say Hey I am like you too! I say "Actually I got too thin after I had Clark, and I didn't have a lot of energy and had to really make a lot of effort to try to gain weight back". To which she shot back, quite rudely and sarcastically "Oh I feel SO SORRY for you". She might as well have said YOU WILL NEVER BE LIKE ME SO STOP TRYING!

Why is it socially acceptable to point out when someone is thinner than the average person, but it would be a complete faux pas if I pointed out that someone was a little bigger than the average person. Everyone struggles with SOMETHING in regard to their physical appearance, but when I see someone with ridiculously clear skin, do I say "Oh my gosh you have such clear skin, I will never have clear skin like that, just look at my acne". No! Talk about awkward! That's crickets chirping in the background awkward. How would all you clear skinners feel if I said that?

Women seem to do this a lot, not just in regard to physical appearance, but in a lot of areas in our lives. If someone comments on how well behaved our children are, why do we say "Well, you should have been at our house last night at bedtime!" Or what about when someone comments on our clean house, we say "It never looks like this normally." Or, someone says "Your lesson was great in Relief Society" we say, "I would have been dead in the water without everyone's comments". I know we say things like this because I have done the complimenting and this is what I hear in response. Why do we feel we have to be so self-deprecating. We talk about being self deprecating these days as being a good thing. It means "Belittling or Undervaluing oneself; excessively modest". Yeah that sounds REAL good. I think that this practice of NOT receiving compliments well leads to us giving compliments and tagging on a complaint. And then it's just a vicious cycle after that.
There is no good comeback to a compliment that is followed by a complaint! It is a lose lose situation. If you ignore the complaint, they are offended and think you are the most vain person on the planet. If you try to identify with their complaint in some way, shape, or form, they are offended that you are even trying to feel their pain because they believe that YOU CAN'T feel their pain. And then you are just digging a hole for yourself.

Therefore, since I am sure to offend no matter what I say, I might as well say what I really want to say, which is THANK YOU...thereby stopping my own vicious cycle of complimenting and complaining in tandem.

My Visual DNA

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Beach Days!

Last Friday was beautiful, and we took Clark to Jamestown beach off the Colonial Parkway. We had a picnic and Clark had a blast throwing sand into the water and playing with his cups that Grandma Nielson gave to him. Today, we went to Yorktown beach with a bunch of law student wives and children and had a great time there. Say buh-bye to the winter pastyness, although my mom will be happy to know that Clark was lathered in 50 and I was lathered in 30. Here are a few of our favorite pics from both days!

The Great Communicator

Clark has hit some major developmental milestones as of late. We love that he loves to vacuum with me with his toy vacuum. We love that he now actually uses the string to pull the caterpillar toy my sister bought him for his 1st birthday. When he needs a diaper change, I have been working with him to go into his room and get a diaper, so that he can go get one for me so I don't have to. Tonight he went and got one all by himself after I asked him to go get one! Yesterday, he started to whine and do his 'please' sign. I asked him to show me what he wanted and he went into the kitchen and grabbed the handle on the refrigerator. When I opened it, he pointed to the milk. I LOVE that we can now communicate back and forth! Oh yeah, AND he gives the best KISSES ever! And when I hug and squeeze him, he squeezes me back! With all of the negative developmental things that emerge during this phase of their life, i.e. throwing, hitting, screaming, and just plain old disobedience, it is nice that there are some really cute and wonderful things that emerge in parallel with them. That is how parenting is...the good mixed with the bad and it is all how we deal with all of it that determines our success. I hope that I can just keep focusing on the cute and wonderful while dealing effectively and patiently with the bad. And at least for tonight, Clark is making it easy for me to do just that.

No Electricity Drill

On Saturday, Tanner was checking the news and stated matter of factly, "A Nor'easter is coming our way." Okay, could we not have thought up something just a tad more interesting than nor'easter to name the storms that come from the Northeast? Why is it that every time I say it, I feel like I should be on some pirate ship out in the open seas? Arrrgh Matey! Moving on.

So, the wind and the rain began to blow, and it beat upon our house/apartment (thank goodness they are on a sure foundation!). However, apparently the trees outside our apartment are not rooted firmly in the ground, because at about 5:30pm, our power went out. Dang, I guess we were just going to have to go out for dinner. I was real heartbroken. As we were driving out, we saw that Dominion power had shown up and this was the scene...
Great. After a gourmet meal at Wendy's, we returned home just as darkness was falling. Tanner went around and found candles, matches, and a flashlight, and I thought he was just a little too excited. "This is actually really good Cher" he says. "Now we will see how prepared we are for emergencies." Or how UNprepared, I thought. He followed up with "we should do this every month! One night where we just shut off our power and see how prepared we are." DEFINITELY...NOT! There are things to do and shows to be watched! Monday is Heroes and 24. Tuesday is Idol and House. Wednesday is Idol. Thursday is Survivor. Friday and Saturday and Sunday are the weekend. Nope, no night is good for me to do a 'No Electricity' Drill, but thanks anyway. 24 starts at 9pm and I thought the Dominion boys had plenty of time to get us back up and running. However, as 9pm approached, I began to lose hope and patience. Tanner had plans to watch a basketball game at a friend's house, and he left me IN THE DARK to fend for myself. I just decided to go to bed since there was nothing interesting going on. No TV, no Internet, what's a girl to do? So I changed into my pjs, went to the bathroom, tp in one hand, flashlight in the other. Thank goodness for cell phones, at least I could still have contact with the outside world. I commented to my mother that it felt like camp. I turned off the flashlight and laid in bed. I could NOT believe how dark and quiet it was. It was actually very peaceful. I laid there meditating about how nice it must have been back in the day to have no choice but to go to bed because the sun went down. I fell asleep just after 9:30pm. I think the last time I went to bed that early was in the 5th grade.

Maybe a once a month No Electricity Drill isn't such a bad idea afterall.

1st Easter Egg Hunt!

Note the scream at the very end of this video. It is very reminiscent of what Trish and I heard a lot on the way home from Florida. Fun for us!



Looking VERY carefully...



Loading and unloading the loot.

The House of Strep

I have decided never to visit any of my sisters' houses again. Okay, not really, but the cost of my visitations this past year have been steep, to say the least. First it was the Norovirus, which Mel's house so graciously bestowed upon me, which I then took home to my husband. Now the gift from the Seguines, which takes a VERY VERY close second to Mel's gift is Strep throat. Yay! Lucky me! In fact, Courtney has been very effective in her gift giving because she managed to give it to Mel and me five weeks apart. Now that is what we Carters call SKILLISH! I think she just wanted me around for another day. I was supposed to drive home on Friday, but instead I took a trip to the Charlotte Urgent Care facility. The doctor said my throat looked 'red and sore', but was clearly unconvinced that it was Strep. I however, was convinced. He took a swab of my throat, without warning, which caused me sudden shock followed by lots of gagging and coughing. Cute. Not that I was trying to be cute...but still, a little warning would have been nice! He left and came back five minutes later, a little sheepish. He stated that the Strep test was positive. Ha! I thought, that's what you get for sticking a Q-Tip down my throat without telling me first! Oh wait, I am the one with Strep, nevermind. He gave me my drugs and I was on my way. When I got back to Tricia's house, I walked in and said to her "Just call this place the House of Strep". She felt really bad, but Courtney thought it was SO COOL that we had the same sickness and that we were both taking medicine together. I was quarantined in Courtney's bedroom while the rest of the family was kind enough to take care of Clark for me. The next morning, I didn't feel great, but I needed to get home so my husband could take care of me. Clark and I made it home safe and sound, and I was surprised at how pleasant the drive was. Tanner was excited to see us, and Clark was so happy to see his "DA DA" again. He let me sleep the rest of the day and he made dinner for us. There really is no place like home, even if, like the Seguines, it is the House of Strep.

Birdhouse Scenes

Trish and I plus our kids loved spending the week at the Birdhouse with Nana, Papa, and Bonna. We did a lot! We went riding on the John Deere tractor with Papa, cruising on the Carter Cruiser, and speeding on the waverunners!

The boys, eating Fruit Loops while watching Cars together.
If you look closely, you can see a blue Fruit Loop poking out of Clark's mouth. Very Cute.

It also happened to be conference weekend, so we enjoyed my mother's yummy cinnamon rolls. They were the best I have ever had!

My favorite talk from conference was by Elder Holland:

In speaking to the women (after he had spoken directly to the men) he said "what of the unbridled tongue in your mouth, of the power for good or ill in your words? How is it that such a lovely voice which by divine nature is so angelic, so close to the veil, so instinctively gentle and inherently kind could ever in a turn be so shrill, so biting, so acrid and untamed?"

"Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity, the three great Christian imperatives so desperately needed in the world today. With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return, confidence can prevail."

It definitely cut me to the core...in a good way!

In addition to everything that was happening at the birdhouse, my mom and Tricia helped me look for apartments in Orlando to move into for a few months before we find a house to buy. I found some I liked and took all my 'research' home to Tanner. We will move in August after Tanner takes the bar. All in all, in was a great trip, especially with Mom and I beating Trish and Dad 2 out of 3 games of pinochle. Even Courtney, who came down with her THIRD bout of Strep throat while we were there was as happy as a clam. And I was also as happy as a clam, until on the drive back to Tricia's house, my throat began to feel a little sore...

The Madness is over...

and I was VICTORIOUS! Well, actually Florida was victorious, but I felt like I won the national championship because I won the law student/wives group bracket. The best part about it was that going into the championship game, regardless of which team won, a NIELSON was going to win. But would it be The Common Dominator, a.k.a Tanner? Or would it be The Warrior Princess, a.k.a ME?

As a side note, the only reason why I chose such a lame name for myself was because our group name was Tribal Warfare, since we are the William and Mary TRIBE! I don't know what excuse Tanner has for his lame name, so you will have to ask him.

Anyway, since I am in Florida (which I think also helped them win by the way), and Tanner is in Virginia, I couldn't harass him about losing to his wife in person, but it was still great over the phone. So YAY for Florida for winning both the National Football AND Basketball titles this year...both over Ohio State I might add.

So no matter how many times Tanner will beat me over the coming years, I will always have 2007! And yes, I will always act like it was worth more than all of his future wins combined.

Clark and Belu

Clark loves Belu. He just doesn't quite know how to express it. He hugs her...a little too hard. He gives her bottle to her...by shoving it into her face. But he loves her really! She just doesn't know it yet.