Compliments and Complaints

So last night I walked into a Relief Society activity, and I hadn't even sat down in my chair when another woman who is my age says to me (all in one breath) "Look at your body, how can you possibly be that skinny after having a kid, I could never be that skinny and I haven't even had kids yet."

Honestly, what am I supposed to say to that? Thank you? It didn't sound like a compliment. It may have started that way, but it certainly didn't end that way.

This is not the first time this has happened, and I seem to fall into the same trap every time. I end up feeling guilty for the way I look. And I know I shouldn't but I do EVERY TIME. So I end up saying sheepishly "Well, it's not like I can take any credit for it. It's all genetics." To which everyone says "I wish I had those genes." Still feeling guilty, but wanting to find some common ground as if to say Hey I am like you too! I say "Actually I got too thin after I had Clark, and I didn't have a lot of energy and had to really make a lot of effort to try to gain weight back". To which she shot back, quite rudely and sarcastically "Oh I feel SO SORRY for you". She might as well have said YOU WILL NEVER BE LIKE ME SO STOP TRYING!

Why is it socially acceptable to point out when someone is thinner than the average person, but it would be a complete faux pas if I pointed out that someone was a little bigger than the average person. Everyone struggles with SOMETHING in regard to their physical appearance, but when I see someone with ridiculously clear skin, do I say "Oh my gosh you have such clear skin, I will never have clear skin like that, just look at my acne". No! Talk about awkward! That's crickets chirping in the background awkward. How would all you clear skinners feel if I said that?

Women seem to do this a lot, not just in regard to physical appearance, but in a lot of areas in our lives. If someone comments on how well behaved our children are, why do we say "Well, you should have been at our house last night at bedtime!" Or what about when someone comments on our clean house, we say "It never looks like this normally." Or, someone says "Your lesson was great in Relief Society" we say, "I would have been dead in the water without everyone's comments". I know we say things like this because I have done the complimenting and this is what I hear in response. Why do we feel we have to be so self-deprecating. We talk about being self deprecating these days as being a good thing. It means "Belittling or Undervaluing oneself; excessively modest". Yeah that sounds REAL good. I think that this practice of NOT receiving compliments well leads to us giving compliments and tagging on a complaint. And then it's just a vicious cycle after that.
There is no good comeback to a compliment that is followed by a complaint! It is a lose lose situation. If you ignore the complaint, they are offended and think you are the most vain person on the planet. If you try to identify with their complaint in some way, shape, or form, they are offended that you are even trying to feel their pain because they believe that YOU CAN'T feel their pain. And then you are just digging a hole for yourself.

Therefore, since I am sure to offend no matter what I say, I might as well say what I really want to say, which is THANK YOU...thereby stopping my own vicious cycle of complimenting and complaining in tandem.